I can't, in good conscience, enter into a real, long-term relationship with my finances in the shape they are in now.
So as of today, I am off the market (much to the dismay of my doctor's directives).
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
A possible course of action
Perhaps I shall end all online romance mills, as they OBVIOUSLY aren't doing much for me and focus on getting out of debt and building wealth.
Step One
Ok, so 2011 is about me. The Year of Anna if you will. I'm now living on my own (no, I haven't unpacked fully yet. Give me some more time.), I went to the doctor and it should be about 2 weeks before I have any test results back.
I am on Prozac and so far so good. It's helped already with getting some sleep, so that's always appreciated. I'll keep you updated.
I've taken another step this morning: I joined http://www.mytotalmoneymakeover.com/. It's a Dave Ramsey thing. Anyone I've ever talked to that has gone through his programs have RAVED about it--and I'm tired of feeling out-of-control with my money. I have 3 credit cards and I honestly don't know the balance on them (I haven't used them in ages...so I guess that's good.). I have a car payment for 2 more years. I have a student loan. So, I'm starting to take control of my debt and my spending! This is going to be oh-so-hard because I know myself. I don't show restraint when it comes to going out with friends/events/music purchases. So, we'll see.
Ok, here goes nothing!
Things I'm thankful for today: the sunshine, my iPod playing good choices while on shuffle, my decent mood, and finally not caring about the oh-so-rude man in Tallahassee.
What are YOU thankful for today?
I am on Prozac and so far so good. It's helped already with getting some sleep, so that's always appreciated. I'll keep you updated.
I've taken another step this morning: I joined http://www.mytotalmoneymakeover.com/. It's a Dave Ramsey thing. Anyone I've ever talked to that has gone through his programs have RAVED about it--and I'm tired of feeling out-of-control with my money. I have 3 credit cards and I honestly don't know the balance on them (I haven't used them in ages...so I guess that's good.). I have a car payment for 2 more years. I have a student loan. So, I'm starting to take control of my debt and my spending! This is going to be oh-so-hard because I know myself. I don't show restraint when it comes to going out with friends/events/music purchases. So, we'll see.
Ok, here goes nothing!
Things I'm thankful for today: the sunshine, my iPod playing good choices while on shuffle, my decent mood, and finally not caring about the oh-so-rude man in Tallahassee.
What are YOU thankful for today?
Thursday, February 03, 2011
A hard pill to swallow
I went to the doctor for the first time in about 5 years (more on the WHY later)...and I just took my first pill from a prescription: I am on Prozac. I am depressed. I feel hopeless, guilty, worthless and I am taking an antidepressant to combat these feelings.
This is a big deal. A big deal because I've been ignoring my own health for so long in deference of my mom's health issues. I feel guilty about feeling the way I do. I remember being an idealistic teenager/young 20-something saying "having a pity party is like telling God He hasn't done enough." Well, friends, my pity party has lasted for many, many years and I'm tired of feeling this way. I can't snap out of this one. I can't cover it up with a laugh and a smile anymore. At the end of every day, as I crawl into my cold and lonely bed a wave of desolation hits me. I can't pray myself out of this one. I can't joke this one off.
I am depressed. I don't feel like my life is worth living. No, I'm not a suicide risk. No, I'm not seeking any wreckless behavior as a mask. I'm just stating things as they are. I feel lost and I'm MORE than angry at God. I'm disappointed.
Both the nurse who took my blood and my new doctor (I LOVED my experience there and I'm very excited that I'm taking strides for my health) were A) shocked when I said I'm not sexually active and B) both encouraged me, on the cusp of 30, to become sexually active. "We need to get you some sex!"
A strange reaction/recommendation (and please know I couldn't agree more)--but my doctor stated it this way: humans need to be touched and loved and held and sex is a part of that. It's part of emotional wellness. And I am clearly not emotionally well and a giant portion of that is my constant, nagging, life-long singleness. My depression is not helped with the knowledge that nobody wants me. Thus enter my disappointment with God. He knows all of this and just leaves me out to dry.
It's sleeting here, it's cold in my office and honestly all I want to do is go home, get under the covers and sleep like the dead.
In other news: my mom has moved back to GA and will be living in an apartment near my sister in W.GA. Good for her! Also, I have a new coworker at the NGS and he's TOTALLY my type. I'm really attracted to him (please know this does not happen often). He's portly, lots of tattoos, sweet blue eyes, big hands...and he's totally married with a 4-month-old son. Awesomesauce. I'll really enjoy going to work now (*burn with sarcasm*).
This is a big deal. A big deal because I've been ignoring my own health for so long in deference of my mom's health issues. I feel guilty about feeling the way I do. I remember being an idealistic teenager/young 20-something saying "having a pity party is like telling God He hasn't done enough." Well, friends, my pity party has lasted for many, many years and I'm tired of feeling this way. I can't snap out of this one. I can't cover it up with a laugh and a smile anymore. At the end of every day, as I crawl into my cold and lonely bed a wave of desolation hits me. I can't pray myself out of this one. I can't joke this one off.
I am depressed. I don't feel like my life is worth living. No, I'm not a suicide risk. No, I'm not seeking any wreckless behavior as a mask. I'm just stating things as they are. I feel lost and I'm MORE than angry at God. I'm disappointed.
Both the nurse who took my blood and my new doctor (I LOVED my experience there and I'm very excited that I'm taking strides for my health) were A) shocked when I said I'm not sexually active and B) both encouraged me, on the cusp of 30, to become sexually active. "We need to get you some sex!"
A strange reaction/recommendation (and please know I couldn't agree more)--but my doctor stated it this way: humans need to be touched and loved and held and sex is a part of that. It's part of emotional wellness. And I am clearly not emotionally well and a giant portion of that is my constant, nagging, life-long singleness. My depression is not helped with the knowledge that nobody wants me. Thus enter my disappointment with God. He knows all of this and just leaves me out to dry.
It's sleeting here, it's cold in my office and honestly all I want to do is go home, get under the covers and sleep like the dead.
In other news: my mom has moved back to GA and will be living in an apartment near my sister in W.GA. Good for her! Also, I have a new coworker at the NGS and he's TOTALLY my type. I'm really attracted to him (please know this does not happen often). He's portly, lots of tattoos, sweet blue eyes, big hands...and he's totally married with a 4-month-old son. Awesomesauce. I'll really enjoy going to work now (*burn with sarcasm*).
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