Sorry for the delay, oh blogosphere. I have been busy continuing to work my two jobs--and the non-profit has hit warp speed for sure! Also, I have been pursuing this exercising/eating right hype and you know what? That shit works. I'm down 18 pounds with very little actual effort. I oscillate between wanting to lose like 150 pounds, and just being pleased that I'm active and feeling good. Today it's "obsess over weight" day. Tomorrow will probably be back to, "I'm just glad I'm eating more vegetables." Oh, and I've adopted two cats named Tyler and Jules and they have 100% changed my life for the good. Best decision I've made in a long while.
Back to the raining and pouring: Well, we all remember Thumper. And how she wasn't ready for actually dating and putting me on a weird timetable and all that. So, (and I do believe this with all of my heart) the Lord placed her on my heart and mind last night because He reminded me that this is the month of August and that means her mom died a year ago this month. So I sent her a simple text saying that I know things didn't work out between us, but I wanted her to know that I know this year without her mom has been horrendous and that she's in my thoughts and prayers.
She responded back "Thank you for your message. I have thought about you a lot. Please know that you are the only person that has said anything about Mom this month. The 22nd will be a year."
As of this morning, we're back on friendly (certainly not dating) terms--and I just hope I can be a place of support for her because I truly believe she's just hurt and lost and trying to make her way in this world alone.
So after the Thumper debacle I kind of wrote off men and women in a heap. I am totally getting into the groove of being single and mostly asexual. I have two cats now--on my way to being a crazy cat lady and I'm totally jazzed about that!
I joined this awesome church on July 3rd. My dad's a member and it's been a source of some true reconciliation and healing. One of my best friends is my Sunday school teacher and it's been an awesome experience being part of a church where I belong, where my friends belong, and where we are all accepting with open arms and open hearts.
Fast forward a few weeks: we get a new children's and youth minister. She is a proper dyke. Buzzed hair, linen suit, wide green suspenders, big clunky black shoes, and the most adorable Timbuk2 messenger bag. And: I'm hooked. She seems pretty shy, but when she's speaking to the children, as she sits on the floor of the sanctuary in her robes so as to be on their level--she's so sweet and soft and caring. I may or may not have (read: definitely did) looked her up on FB and we have four mutual friends. Only one of which is a church contact. The other three are very odd indeed. One is a guy I went to college with--who happens to be married to a very good friend of mine (also from college). They are FB friends as I'm assuming they know each other from her master's of Divinity courses--he works at her mDiv university. One friend is a girl that works with me at the non-profit. So, of course, me being me, I emailed her this:
So, I noticed you’re friends with [this girl] on Facebook.
Tell me everything you know and think. Please.
And, GO:Her response:
"Hahahahah – she dated a GOOD friend of mine from high school, and their relationship ended maybe 2 years ago?? She’s great from what I have experienced of her. I think the relationship ended because she wanted marriage (not sure HOW they were going to sort that out—lesbian couple)..and my friend didn’t feel ready.
What’s the context?"
I assured her it was all good and I would divulge details later. :) I like to hear she's marriage minded. AND she loves the kiddos. And she's all kinds of deliciously butch.
I have ellicited the help of another associate pastor at my church. He and I have been friends for years, so I felt comfortable telling him of my infatuation. He's working on some details for me (as in: is she single? is she looking?). He's even gone so far in the past couple of days to become her FB friend as well.
Yesterday, I even went so far to sign up to be a children's Sunday school teacher--and I guarantee you the children were not my first thought or priority. I'm sure Jesus can forgive me. As the other associate pastor said, "Well, at least now you've got some guaranteed proximity!" I'm still waiting on her to respond to my "I want to teach the little lambs of God" email. I'll keep you posted.
On to more ethereal thoughts (you HAD to know that was coming): the thoughts of "labels" have been bothering me lately. When I first crushed on Thumper, I had a bit of an identity crisis. Am I a lesbian now? Do I have to fit into a some pre-formed "lesbian" mold? Do I have to classify as butch or femme? Do I have to go to only certain bars or be attracted to only certain people? What are the rules?
And then I came to the conclusion I was hoping to come to: I am who I am and I can't (and don't want to) be anyone else. I'm not gay or straight or bi or curious or questioning. I'm just me. I like who I like. I love lumberjack men. But I really like this butch, soft spoken lesbian preacher and I want to pursue that. And that's ok.
Want to know why it's ok?
'Cause baby, I was born this way.
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