2010 has been a trying year. But a trying-yet-utterly-door-opening-eye-caressing kind of year.
January 8, 2010: I got laid off from my publishing company where I was an editor for 5 years (and 5 days). Getting laid off sucks, clearly. But I really didn't care for my position for about 4 of those years, so it's just one of those times where God knows best and kicks you out of your comfort zone. See, that's something you need to understand about me at the onset of our journey here: I'm an extreme creature of habit. Like, stay-in-poor-situations/relationships-even-though-they're-toxic-and-painful kind of creature of habit.
But I kicked a couple of those habits in 2010 and I feel amazing.
One of the first of those was kicking the habit of a toxic friendship. Albeit, this particular one didn't happen in 2010, but it was definitely a precursor. See, I stayed in a best-friendship much longer than I should have. It was the classic story of my best girl-friend (of many years, including most of high school) finally met my best boy-friend (a friendship developed as youth leaders at my childhood church post college) and they decided they wanted to be each other's best friend in a romantic sense and I became the third wheel. Being the third wheel in your own life is really horrible and heartbreaking. It was during this break-up of all break-ups that I audibly heard the voice of God. For real and for serious. I had started to feel like I was going crazy because I felt so left out, hurt, abused, taken for granted (this theme will present itself later, just you watch) and I was being told by Girl and Boy both that nothing had changed, they still loved me, still wanted to be a part of my life--yet what they REALLY meant is that they were glad that I brought them together (they are now married), but my job was clearly done the moment they spent that evening together at a birthday party. Back to where I heard God: I audibly heard our very sweet and patient Lord and Savior say to me "You are not crazy." Isn't that a, well, crazy thing to hear from God? But goodness it did my heart so much good. So, baby step by baby step I walked away from the dearest friendships I had ever known and it was hard. There was a lot of hurt and disappointment--but I knew my God was with me and somehow that made things OK. They weren't great. But they were OK, and I was comforted by that.
It's late and although I'm busting at the seams...and my hands, heart and brain are super-dee-duper excited that I'm writing again, I need to go to bed. I'm very happily headed to the Vortex for lunch tomorrow with a dear friend I've known since 2nd grade.
Next up:
My mom
My jobs
My apartment
My "correspondent," King of Miami, and Bully
And how Christmas alone made my eyes open and things happen
My, my, my, my, my...is it all about me? Why yes. Yes it is. It's about time I became my own leading lady in my very own life. I turned 29 in 2010 and 2011 brings 30. I have a lot of living and learning to do and I really couldn't be more excited.
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